My first album, Neon Apocalypse, was released on November 13, 2001, while I was a senior in college at St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY. By the time it had come out, I had spent two-and-a-half years on it. It was primarily made up of songs I'd written between the ages of 16-19 (1996-1999), and was recorded mostly in the music lab at the University (though some of it was done in my various dorm rooms in Sykes Hall). It was originally going to be called Lemonymous, (an offshoot of the song "Lemon Tea"), but I panicked that that title was too weird and went with the current title. It was originally devised as a concept album - the main character goes out into the world to change it, falls in love, and is nearly destroyed by the power of that love. Idealized teenage romanticism, really.
To date, I still love most of the work on this album, and I'm excited to be able to present it in a remixed and remastered format - from the early days of mp3.com to today's digital music platforms... quite an evolution indeed!
Release Date: November 13, 2001 | Reissue Date: November 18, 2016
What is that you're holding in your hand
Is this to take my life from where I stand
And now you hurl it to the wind
Call it faith or call it sin
It's still a poorly thought out plan
Well I'm ready for the sirens
Ready for the rush
Ready for the afterlife
And now!
Echo Papa
Echo Papa
Here we are to cross the line again
Where we say goodbye to other men
Where we point at them a gun
Just a job or just for fun
It doesn't matter where or when
Well I'm ready for the sirens
Ready for the rush
Ready for that mushroom cloud
And now!
Echo Papa
Echo Papa
Perched upon your windowsill
Bird of Prey that wouldn't kill
Nevermore to sing your song
Time let you on
Is it fact or fiction
Is love an addiction
Is it time that keeps us holding on
To the things we thought long gone
Piece of cake and glitterstone
Time has never let us know
Cover up and don't say when
Time and again
Time to open up the doors
Cos time could give us so much more
Time will keep us holding on
To the things we thought long gone
Tell me let me know
Underneath the glow
Show me let me see
Lemon
Lemon tea
Reverse lies to rub it in
Never starting to begin
Tiny bubble silver song
Time had it wrong
Is it fact or fiction
Is love an addiction
Time will keep us holding on
Even when we are long gone
Tell me let me know
Underneath the glow
Show me let me see
Lemon
Lemon Tea
Cold November
As I see you fall
Upon your knees
A pale night
As I'm calling God
I beg him please
He might have heard me
But you'll never hear me
Say
Goodbye
Lullabye
God, you took my hero
Please don't cry
Lullabye
Now I can't tell my hero
Goodbye
I am lost
But your spirit overpowers me
I am stronger
Than the bitter winds
That fell on thee
I know you still love me
Though you look on from above me
Hey
Goodbye
Lullabye
God, you took my hero
Please don't cry
Lullabye
Now I can't tell my hero
Goodbye
La da da
La da da
La da da
I know you still love me
Though you look on from above me
Hey
Goodbye
Lullabye
God, you took my hero
Paradise
On earth we rise
One day I'll see my hero
Again
We see the sun
Shine on our blue room
What a warm and friendly smile
They say that time
Will heal all our wounds
But we'll do that ourselves a little while
I know I pushed you away
But you pushed me just as well
When we pull each other back
We are spellbound
Oh Love!
I could've lost you
Though I was to play the fool
Oh Love!
I could've lost you
But we know time ain't that cruel
We feel the moon
Become our dearest friend
Cold and distant as it is
Well we don't need it cos we have ourselves
Don't as why babe
It just is
I know I ignored you
But you never heard a word I said
Baby when we listen close
We are spellbound
Oh Love!
I could've lost you
Though I was to play the fool
Oh Love!
I could've lost you
But we know time ain't that cruel
I made you who you are
To whose head did it go
Well I guess that's just for us to find out
And for them to know
Here we are
Where are we to go
Are we just a many few
If we're to find the palace on the clouds
Just to bring the morning's dew
I could never second guess
Any kind of consequence
If we think too deeply love
We'll be spellbound
Oh Love!
I Could've lost you!
Doesn't matter when or where.
Oh Love!
If heaven drops you
I'll be sure to catch you there.
My a-glossed imagination
Rests inside your dreams
From dawn til dusk
Through the stars' silver sheen
And the words that grow weary
Appear to me once again
Reborn through a candle that shines
Through the land
Hour by hour
My mem'ry consumed
To take up my conscience
And give it to you
No longer I falter
The letters unsent
A future that opens to show
No Regret
A truth untold
But revealed in rhyme
It could only be you
My dear valentine!
I see your smile
I feel your eyes
Can we stay here a while
To see behind the lies
My fastened attention
Explores corridors
Through glittering hallways
And purple-blue floors
Where time is a desert
Unknown in our world
The universe smiles
And the stars become pearls
Alone here we stand
And the earth fades away
A moderate tone
For a now blissful day
The night is alive
And the stars for a while
Contend that the dawn
Couldn't shield your smile
A truth untold
But revealed in rhyme
It could only be you
My dear Valentine!
So you have forgotten this moment
So you trade your passion for pain
You're so weak
But not like me
You're falling from the heights I can't attain
So you broke your nails in rapture
So I bled to stifle your screams
You're so weak
But not like me
I kiss you so that maybe I'll believe
And I could follow your heart
While you dream from afar
But I'm weak in the knees
And I fall like a star
To thee
So you want my blasphemy broken
So you want to save me from grace
You're so weak
But not like me
You're falling from the heights of my disgrace
So you can't maintain your composure
So you trade your innocence for blame
You're so weak
But not like me
I kiss you so that maybe I'll behave
And you could follow my heart
While I dream from afar
But you're weak in the knees
And you fall like a star
To me
So you tried to salvage the guilty
So you tried to capture the free
You're so weak
But not like me
I kiss you to reveal myself to thee
And we could follow our hearts
While we dream from afar
But we're weak in the knees
And we fall like stars
We could see to infinity
From right where we are
But we're weak in the knees
And we fall like hearts
Bleed
So the world is waiting to break you
I'll stand right beside you anyways
Oh Julia
Cometh to you I will
Underneath
Your windowsill
That's where I can't see you
Cos you've fallen down so low
Out of sight
Not out of mind
Not above
But just below
Oh Julia
You're not all that far from home
You have me here right now
And I would not leave
You alone
So wake up sweetie
Cos you're here in my embrace
And tonight
When you go to sleep
You'll have a fairytale
In my place
Oh Julia
Like a weeping willow cries
The raindrops surely fall
Gracefully
From your em'rald eyes
So tell me sweetie
Why your yellow shoes are dry
When all this time you've been outdoors
And you've just come inside
Your mystic shiver tells me
Of the things you've left behind
But what is lost you're sure to find
And in your luminescence
Those things you bring to mind
You'll miss the things you've never tried
Oh Julia
The candles are lit for you
So blow them out tonight
And may your wishes be
Granted true
But I'll tell ya honey
Those wishes
You'll never ever need
Cos all those things you want the most
You'll find
In me
Spring in bloom
As we stumble to my room
Waiting for the moment when we kiss
You bat your eyes
Just a porcelain disguise
I'd never known your lips were touching his
It's a dogtown
When a broken hearted sound
Turns your life around
And around
And round
When you sleep
It's his face you see in dreams
A time when I'm supposed to be the one
And when awake
He's the first thing that you take
Even after all the things he's said and done
It's a dogtown
When a broken hearted sound
Turns your life around
And around
And round
Figure four
As I stumble out the door
Soaking to the bone with life's cold rain
Distant sun
Won't you shine upon the one
Instead I see the puddles fill once again
It's a dogtown
When a broken hearted sound
Turns your life around
And around
And round
Torture me
Hurt me til my heart bleeds
Let me tell ya honey
That's just what it needs
Talk to me
Tell me what I don't want to hear
Let me tell ya honey
I'll still hold those words dear
You that's in my eyes
You that's in my heart
You and I should never be apart
You that's in my world
You incarnate dove
You the only you
The you
I love
Lie to me
Turn me on and inside out
Let me tell ya honey
I love to hear that sound
Poison me
Drinking to my very death
Let me tell you honey
I'd swallow it again
You that's in my eyes
You that's in my heart
You and I should never be apart
You that's in my world
You incarnate dove
You the only you
The you
I love
Something in the words
You left me here tonight
I thought I had it all alright
Still you turn away
And leave me here alone
But I won't let you
Go
You that's in my eyes
You that's in my heart
You and I should never be apart
You that's in my world
You incarnate dove
You the only you
The you
I love
It's odd
Isn't it
This you'd given me
Two weeks ago
You assured me
Of our love
And today
You want to go
So here my love
Tonight
Under the stars
The moon
In the same place
We began
And you are gone
You are gone
So nothing I say
And nothing I do
Could bring you to me
Or take me to you
It's weird
Don't you think
Your love
I still display
Like a chain
Around my neck
The ring that shines
Like yesterday
With one last heartbeat
It's suddenly gone wrong
So now I'm pushed away
And you are gone
You are gone
You're just out of reach
But too far to scream
The Queen of my heart
The love of my dreams
So this ring you've given me
Does it mean a thing to you
Do I wear a lie
That once I held so true
Without your heartbeat near
It isn't quite the same
These tears will echo forth
From the mention of your name
Goodbye Silver Hill
You are gone
Gone
So nothing I say
And nothing I do
Will bring you to me
Or take me to you
With you far away
It isn't enough
The Queen of my heart
The ring
The ring
Of love
The original working title for Neon Apocalypse was “Lemonymous”, an amalgamation of the song “Lemon Tea” and “anonymous”, intended to play on the fact that no one knew who Ender was.
Neon Apocalypse took nearly two-and-a-half years to record, as portions were laid down in a music lab at St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY, and other random areas. Part of the problem with the recording was the inconsistency in the storage devices used.
Ender, being a drummer originally, wanted to have real drums on the album, but didn’t have access to them. He instead created beats using a program called Hammerhead, turning the album into less of a rock/pop collection (as originally intended) and more of a pop/hip-hop/tech-savvy album.
The album’s running order was supposed to reflect a character progression, much like a concept album – it was supposed to be a journey. The website at the time told that story (which can be read below).
“Echo Papa” was originally written in 1996, but had very suggestive lyrics at the time. It was re-written in early 1997 to reflect a more socially-conscious anti-violence message. The actual song title comes from a Star Trek: The Next Generation card game.
The lyrics for “Lemon Tea” originally went to a completely different tune, but in the end it was determined they fit better with this one. That original tune has since disappeared altogether as it has never seen the light of day.
“ElevenThree” references November 3rd, 1996, and was written in remembrance of a close friend’s father, who died suddenly on that day. It has had many incarnations, but was originally written on November 2nd, 1997.
“Valentine” included a number of references, including Valentine’s Day, Ender’s girlfriend at the time (whose birthday was Valentine’s Day), and Valentine (the sister of Ender Wiggin in Ender’s Game).
“Weak” was the first Ender Bowen song ever played on the radio, as it received airplay in Canton, NY and in Ottawa, Canada on XFM in 1999. It was recorded twice – the original version’s actual session file was lost, so it had to be re-recorded for this album.
“The Ring of Love” references the same girl from “Valentine”, told in the aftermath of a breakup.
Chapter One – Echo Papa He awoke like a siren in the dark // And in looking out the window his heart did pulse // His vision like a mushroom cloud of pain // Not that a voice raised in hushed silence could attention gain // So did he rise // Hurled through the wind // To change all he saw
Chapter Two – Lemon Tea But reality lay beyond wild dreams // Its might too proud // For the one can’t overcome // It is a power beyond imagination // And confusion is masked in dazzling lights // So silenced is he who is tempted by fate // Hope’s door left closed but not forever gone
Chapter Three – ElevenThree Retreat he home // Like November leaves to the Earth // Within himself his spirit kept // A heavy heart and swirling head // Though he in himself a hero saw // Under which God’s creation did defeat // A hero, again, he will see
Chapter Four – I Could’ve Lost You But not such a distance traversed // For she with healing hands of love // Doth mend his wounds and raise his head // Pulse and pound his heart once more // For had he in his mission success // Not she could he have // Through which to find a palace in the clouds
Chapter Five – Valentine And so did sing the birds // Through imagination a-glossed, here became reality // In him a sensation of power renewed // Though through her found his conscience life // All became his as does truth to a god // Aware he not of doors to hope // Nor wary of his senses’ betrayal
Chapter Six – Weak Such power by man held corrupt // For whence love strongest they fell // And weak such force became them // But to save through love made weak all the more // His conscience she fed for the evil he escaped // She in his arms kept // As rain, the palace through clouds falls
Chapter Seven – Julia As a grasp to all man is at sometime lost // She with heavy heart impure of thought // Slipped from the clasp of love // Out of sight // Not out of mind // Like a candle, her love // For to take flight he to a beacon
Chapter Eight – Dogtown So he unto her image passed // Less a lover, more a temptress // For love alone his mind’s eye rests // Though she her lips to another // Wouldst surely a river of these tears overflow // He of pure heart then shattered // In whirlpools of chaos to this sound
Chapter Nine – Torture Thus a bleeding heart unto him born // Left alone he to his guilt // She of newer tastes // Though sweet her voice as poison // The drink of lust and lament // But thirsting all the more // Is the choice of life and death
Chapter Ten – The Ring of Love He like a mountain // Not as slow to rise up // Though forth these chills // Like an echo to a siren for all time // A scar her name unto his soul // These experiences like riches // Through life be attained